Category Archives: Family

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A House Is Not a Home

Now that we know for sure that we are moving we have been sorting, disposing, packing, debating, and deciding what to throw away and what to keep. It has brought back floods of memories. We have been in this house without our children for a while now. But there are still many “remnants” of them. Ashlyn last lived here for a few months last fall while she earned some money to get out on her own. Ben was here over this past Easter weekend.

Neither of them will ever again see the home in which they grew up. They have mixed feelings about that. And so do we.

But as we discussed with them our decision to start a new chapter in life we had to remind them that it wasn’t the house that made our home. This was the place where many good times, holidays, and memories were made. But the place isn’t what’s important. It’s the people.

A house is not a home. What makes the home are the ones who occupy the place. The home is the place where all of the following home-like things took place:

  • birthdays were celebrated
  • homework was wrangled
  • homecoming and prom dates started
  • music was made
  • family meals were had
  • plays were presented
  • Dad created Christmas dinner
  • Mom made special cakes
  • high school friends hung out
  • piano lessons were practiced
  • games were played
  • prayers were prayed
  • tears ran down
  • laughs went up
  • books were read out loud
  • illnesses were nursed
  • a baseball was thrown
  • a monolog was shown
  • a hamster was had
  • and a lot of love was shared

None of these things really had to do with the house. What made the home was the people.

And though the house will be missed, the people who possessed it still make the home, the home. No matter where they may be.

It is the family that makes a house a home. It is the people. The bricks and mortar are simply the boundary lines that hold it all together.

What memories have you created in your home?

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Creativity with Cardboard

I may be a sap, but by the end of the following video I was crying. I dare you to watch it and not be moved by Caine…and what a big group of people did for Caine that made this nine-year-old’s day.

Caine is creative. Caine is persistent. Caine is Patient. Caine is imaginative. Caine has a supportive father.

Raising Caine must be a delight.

Watch this ten minute video and chime in on how and why (or if) it moves you:

(Email subscribers follow this link: http://youtu.be/faIFNkdq96U)

Here’s why this video moves me:

  • As a child I was Caine, creating plays in our basement, go karts out of junk we found, space ships out of fallen trees, and carnivals to raise money for muscular dystrophy. 
  • It reminds me that we live in a different world. No one ever created a flash mob to come to one of my childhood creations. I was moved by Caine’s “success.” The internet is a powerful tool.
  • Caine has a supportive dad. My parents were always supportive, too.
  • Somebody sees “genius” in Caine and supports him by buying a “fun pass.” (Lord, help me to be supportive of creativity where I see it!)
  • I am so happy for Caine that it moves me to tears. Did you notice that there is even a scholarship fund set up for him?
How and why does this video move you?
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What Is Happening At This Very Moment?

Now that both of our children are living in different states (one of them in another time zone), we have a fun little game that we play. I text them the words: “What is happening at this very moment?” And they respond with…whatever is happening at that moment.

We’ve had some mundane, some interesting, and some funny texting conversations. Here are some of the responses:

  • “Mom is wrapping a present in the trunk with grandma and grandpa.”
  • “I  am washing dishes.”
  • “Walking around Winter Garden Village.”
  • “Almost back to my car. I will call you when I’m home.”
  • “Sitting at Edgehill Cafe with my friends.”

While we are so far away, I get a little snap shot of what life is like in another place. It brings a little levity to my day, and to theirs. I get a break from stress or from a stretch of a day’s monotony. It’s a brief little connection with people I love. It keeps us close, even across the miles.

I’m so thankful for today’s technology that allows me to keep me close to those who are most dear to me…even across many miles. I’m also thankful for humor, good-natured fun, and a willingness to communicate.

I guess my little game is an expression to my children that I care about what’s going on in their lives, even if it’s boring or mundane. It reminds me that a little levity can go a long way in expressing love, care, and concern.

Today someone needs you to ask them, “What’s going on at this very moment?” You may be surprised by the answer. Maybe you’ll hear something funny. Maybe you’ll hear something mundane. Or maybe you’ll hear something a soul has been waiting to express to a listening ear for a long, long time.

So I’m asking you right now: “What is happening at this very moment?” Please leave your response in the comments below. I’d really love to hear…

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TOMS Shoes, Reducir Velocidad, Fast Pace, and Enjoying Life

My generous mother got all her grandchildren TOMS Shoes for Christmas. Every time a pair of TOMS Shoes is purchased another pair is given to a child in a third world country. That means that this Christmas, somewhere in the world, eleven kids who didn’t have shoes are now wearing them.

Blake Mycoskie, founder of TOMS Shoes, recently spoke with The Wall Street Journal. The first name for the company was “Shoes for a Better Tomorrow,” which then became “Tomorrow’s Shoes,” and finally “TOMS Shoes.” In The Wall Street Journal article Mycoskie said:

The best road trip I’ve ever taken was the drive down Chile from Santiago to Patagonia. While passing the most pristine countryside and glaciers, I came across an old rusted sign on the road that read “reducir velocidad” (“slow down”). I pulled over and took a picture because I thought it really meant something prophetic. I made 700 copies of that picture and sent it to my friends and influential people that support TOMS. People still tell me that picture sits on their desks and reminds them to slow down and enjoy life.

January is a very busy month for me…this year more than others. I am teaching a class at Concordia University — Wisconsin every day these first three weeks of the month, writing an Advent Series for Creative Communications for the Parish, and doing my best to stay on top of things with sermons, homebound and hospital visits, and worship planning. It’s very difficult for me to slow down. And enjoy life.

But as I sit here and reflect on this day my mind is slowing down my body and helping me to enjoy life:

  • I’m thankful for the opportunity to teach college students who are respectful and interested;
  • I appreciate their attentiveness and eagerness to learn;
  • I’m incredibly appreciative for the opportunity to be employed to do something I really enjoy: writing;
  • I’m blessed by the 95-year-old woman I visited today who loves the Packers as much as I do;
  • I look forward to worshiping together and sharing God’s Word with the people of Mt. Calvary;
  • I’m thankful for my health;
  • I love how long distance phone calls from my children during the day slow me down and allow me to appreciate them;
  • I look forward to dinner with my wife every evening, where we slow down, talk about our day, and appreciate each other.

Reducir Velocidad. Slow down. As the new year begins it’s so easy to jump right back into the rat race and forget the slow and simple leisure of the Holiday season.

Take at least a few moments to slow down and enjoy the moment each day. Don’t let life pass you by. Count your blessings. In the midst of the whirlwind find the calm.

When you take a moment to slow down, what do you most appreciate?

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How to Be a Hero’s Mother

Today’s post is a guest post from Shelley Tuozzo, the mother of a true hero. And if you ask me, she is a hero herself.

Shelley is both a member of our congregation and a friend. I wrote about her son Joey in this post. Since I wrote that post, Joey has been diagnosed with Costello Syndrome.

It has been a year of ups and downs (to say the least) for Shelley, her husband Joe, and little Joey. Joey recently turned 13-months-old. Last night he had a bit of a scare, so as Shelley waited and watched throughout the night, she wrote.

If you want to know how to be a hero’s mother, read on:

You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now. You see, I let myself believe we were on the upswing…that things were finally settling in…that I could stop holding my breath. And then tonight, while he was smiling and laughing, Joey’s blood sugar read 47. Joe didn’t believe the glucometer so he ran it again. 44. Crap. The crisis mode Shelley kicked in, following the checklist from our Endocrinologist – prepare a bolus feed of 20 ml, call the on-call Endo, and make sure we have the glucagon shot ready in case he crashes. He didn’t…or at least, he hasn’t. We’re in for a long night.

Then I got to thinking…I miss that Shelley – the telecom Shelley. The one who took everything in stride, who was ruled by logic and not emotion, and the one people would go to in a crisis to a) calm them and b) take care of the problem. Oh, that Shelley is still in there. And I still am pretty calm in a crisis and I still lead first with the logical side, methodically breaking down the big picture into small, solvable projects. It’s just that now I have MUCH less control of that emotional side.

I still have a “never let them see you cry” mentality and, with the exception of family, the Genetics counselor who gave me the Costello diagnosis, and my entire church who attended the service I spoke at, I’ve stuck to that. But even those glimpses still make me uncomfortable. Ultimately…because the problem always revolves, in one way or another, around my son…there’s more emotion there than I have ever felt in my life. And it’s funny I mention a lack of control…because I’ve realized how little I, in fact, have. Yes, the girl who could research, document, create a process, measure, and evaluate just about anything, now realizes she can’t control the world around her. And it sucks.

You know what else sucks? That my little boy has had so much to go through in his short little life. That so many pages in his baby book remain blank…he hasn’t rolled, he hasn’t sit up by himself, he hasn’t crawled, he isn’t walking, he isn’t talking. That he’ll likely never go to college, never leave home, never marry. I’ll never be a Grandmother. That he has to be scanned every three months to make sure there isn’t cancer growing inside of him. That I have met other mothers with Costello children who are watching their child suffer through cancer and I cry tears for them.

But then I stop myself and feel ashamed. You see, thinking like that only results in anger or tears and it’s a VERY selfish view. It implies that somehow we’re being punished by having to deal with Joey’s conditions. Yes, they all suck. But at the same time, he has brought us more blessing and more joy and more smiles than have been in our lives combined. I couldn’t be more proud of him, how hard he works at learning new things, and how far he has come over the course of a year.

The boy learns something new every week. And I think having him, with all his issues, makes us more appreciative as parents of what he DOES do and what he HAS learned. I spend more time praising him for things other parents might think are of no importance. I don’t want to miss a second with him because he might astonish me with his will and determination. And that smile…it will make you melt.

You know what’s great? That my little boy has so much more life in front of him to make up for the early suckiness. And that he WILL fill that baby book with dates…eventually. And that Joe & I will have more time to spend with him than the average parent. And that I’ll be the proudest MOTHER ever…and that’s enough. And that we have more opportunities to have serious conversations with God, asking him to take care of our little boy as he’s scanned and as we wait for results. And that I’ve met so many wonderful people who I otherwise would not have met if not for our very special child.

And now it’s morning. We’ve made it through the nighttime feed with perfectly wonderful blood sugar results. I don’t know that I would have expected anything less than this from Joey – to be the man of mystery. We don’t yet know why it happened, or whether it will happen again. If only I could control that.

I don’t usually do it, but maybe I should make some New Year’s resolutions (even if it is a tad late). I resolve to fight every instinct I have to plan everything out and instead take it one day at a time. I resolve to stop mourning things that were never mine in the first place and to appreciate every “little” thing that I do have. I resolve to make sure that I don’t take people for granted and that I have them know how much they mean to me. And I resolve to determine exactly how many kisses a 13 month old boy can stand in one day.

……………………..

If Shelley’s not a hero of courage, faith, and resolve, I don’t know who is.

Is there someone in your life who has shown these qualities?

 

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5 Ideas for a Creative Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving may not be considered the most creative holiday. Maybe it’s time to inject a little spice and variety into a holiday laden with tradition.

I recently asked a group of children to name one thing for which they are thankful. The majority of them responded that they were most thankful for their family. I am too.

It’s a great answer. It may even be one of the best answers. But it’s probably not the most creative answer. That’s OK. We ought to be thankful for the people closest to us.

But maybe this Thanksgiving can be a more creative Thanksgiving. Here are five ideas to help make it one:

  1. Instead of planning specific items for each course of the meal, do it differently this year. Simply assign people one of the courses, and be surprised by what you get. It’ll make the meal more fun…and interesting.
  2. Before dinner, hand out pieces of paper and crayons. Have everyone draw one thing for which they are thankful without letting anyone else see. Put all the papers in a pile, mix them up, and have each person pick one out of the pile. Everyone must then try to guess whose picture they picked from the pile.
  3. Buy a blank canvass at a local art supply store. Divide the canvass into enough squares for each person in your family. Have everyone draw a picture of him or herself from the shoulders up. Have a family artist paint each drawing, creating a piece of art that will be treasured for years to come. My sister had us do this years ago. She still has the picture hanging in her family room. We laugh every time we see it. It not only brings laughs, but it created great memories.
  4. Write a joint Thanksgiving story. Have every person write one sentence of the story. Keep passing it around the group until the story is complete. I promise you’ll end up laughing.
  5. Watching football? Before the game, fill a bowl with the names of every person in the room. Fill another bowl with Thanksgiving-themed charades. Every time there is either first down or a score, draw a name and have that person select and perform a charade.
What’s your idea for adding creativity to a Thanksgiving celebration?
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A Procession of Miracles

Thinking about that day still almost makes me cry…in a good way. It was literally a procession of miracles.

Our family had arrived in New York City in the summer 2004. Beyond being tourists in the city that never sleeps, our main purpose was to see as many shows on the Great White Way as we possibly could. Our family loves theatre and wanted to see it on a scale that is the best the world has to offer. So when we hit the ground in Manhattan we already had some tickets in our hand.

But the one ticket we couldn’t secure was the one to Broadway’s hottest show: Wicked. It was the show we all (…almost all of us) wanted to see more than any other. The problem was, so did everyone else. It was impossible to get tickets. Well, almost impossible.

It would take a procession of miracles for us to secure tickets. We knew there were two possible ways we might get the most coveted tickets on Broadway:

  1. Wait in the stand-by line early in the day to see if there would be any ticket returns.
  2. Win the daily lottery for two $25 front row tickets.

We knew it was a long shot, but decided to give it a go. I would wait in the stand-by line for a while as the rest of the family did some Manhattan shopping. I got there mid-afternoon and a line had already formed. Then, when the time came, the rest of the family submitted their names for the ticket lottery (I wasn’t allowed to because I was in the stand-by line).

To make a long story short, as showtime neared our daughter Ashlyn won two tickets in the lottery (I heard her name called while I was in line). It was nothing short of a miracle. Dilemma: which two members of our family would see the show? I was still waiting in line to see if two more tickets would free up. I gradually worked my way up to being first in line after a few people scored tickets.

Showtime was less than five minutes away as the ushers began telling people they needed to be seated, or they’d have to wait for the first break. Just then I was called to the ticket window. Two tickets had been returned: orchestra section, twelve rows from the front, right in the center. I bought them, and in we all ran.

It took a procession of miracles. Just as we sat the overture began and we all witnessed one of the most magical things we had ever seen with our own eyes (even son, Ben, who thought he’d rather be shopping on the streets of Manhattan). It was one of the most enchanting of a days of my life and one I will never forget.

On this year’s Tony Awards Bono of U2 said that every show on the stage that evening was “a procession of miracles.” Indeed. I’ve been in enough amateur productions to know that from the very start of the rehearsal process until the very last performance there are “a procession of miracles” that bring the magic of a live performance to an audience. There are always points where it seems as though the show will never be able to be pulled off. How much more so with today’s Broadway productions that include technology of all kinds. And some never do make it.

But the ones that do are a procession of miracles.

Theatre is a form of art that truly lives and breathes. There is no screen to separate. Audience reaction has an impact on actors. The chance of a forgotten line, missing prop, or malfunctioning set add to the wonderful tension. The applause at the end is an affirmation of of the procession of miracles that has just been witnessed and appreciated.

I, for one, am so very privileged to have witnessed this procession of miracles numerous times in my life…but especially that incredible day in the summer of 2004.

Where have you witnessed a procession of miracles in your life?

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How to Raise a Daughter

The other day I was at a meeting and mentioned that our daughter is graduating from college this weekend. Someone at the meeting, only half in jest, said, “Can you please tell us how to raise a daughter?” It got a big laugh. But I also saw the seriousness in the eyes of the one who made the request.

I got to thinking that the job has, indeed, been done. My wife, Tammy, and I have raised (past tense) a daughter. I believe that college graduation is the marking of that event.

While I will readily admit I made plenty of mistakes along the way, I am very happy to say that both Tammy and I are very proud of the woman our daughter, Ashlyn, has become. Many of the things we dreamed for, hoped for, and planned for have come to fruition: she has a college degree; she avoided the pitfalls of the teenage and college years; and, more than anything, she is a strong, church-going Christian.

I’m not presumptuous enough to say that I have all the answers, or that I could prescribe the perfect way to raise a daughter. But following are ten things that could very well contribute to successfully raising a daughter:

  1. When she is young, read to her. I have fond memories of reading picture books, short novels, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and a children’s Bible every night before bed. To this day Ashlyn is an avid reader.
  2. Express your love to her as frequently and often as you possibly can. We had a little ritual every night where I would kiss her on the cheek and say: “You’re the best…little girl…in the world.” She was loved and affirmed.
  3. Strongly encourage, support, and reward good study habits. In our case this definitely took two parents. I have no clue about math. Tammy defers to me in the areas of writing and English. We made sure that we were there to help with homework, prod when necessary, and celebrate good grades (sometimes even monetarily).
  4. Provide extra-curricular creative outlets. From early on Ashlyn had a flair for the dramatic and a desire to be on stage. We sacrificed so that she could spend as much time as she could doing things related to theatre. We took her to auditions. We enrolled her in First Stage Summer Academy. We gave her dance lessons and voice lessons.
  5. Encourage her to pursue what she loves. For some kids theatre is a passing fancy. For Ashlyn it was something she wanted to pursue as a career. We never told her she couldn’t, or put a road block in the way. It was always our philosophy to  encourage her to “do what you love and love what you do.”
  6. Love your spouse. There is no better way for a daughter to see and know what love is than to be assured that her parents love each other.
  7. Compliment her looks, her style, her brain, and her talent. There are enough things in this world that can beat a girl down. Make sure that she feels good about herself by going out of your way to provide compliments and kudos.
  8. Balance firm discipline with age-appropriate latitude. As children are growing up they need boundaries. They will test those boundaries. Those boundaries need to remain firm. When those boundaries are crossed there must be consequences. On the other hand, with age comes more freedom and responsibility. Let out an appropriate amount of slack.
  9. Communicate with her. Tammy and I made it our business to always stay in contact with Ashlyn…know what she was doing and where she was going. We were careful not to be overbearing about it, but just made it a regular part of living together in our family. Once she went to college our good communications continued. I am not ashamed to say that she and I or she and Tammy still speak on the phone nearly every day. We communicate. That’s what parents and daughters do.
  10. Take her to church, bring her up in the church, make church a regular part of every week. When she is a child take her to church and Sunday School every Sunday. When she is in high school make church attendance an expectation, not an option. When she is in college, personally help her find a church home that is suitable to her. This includes praying for her and with her all along the way. Bar none, this is the most important of these ten items.

What items would you add to this list?