I made a mistake last week. I know, I know. It wasn’t my first, and it certainly won’t be my last.

Our son, Ben, is working on a new project. He’s writing songs and in the very beginning stages of creating a new album. It’s a time of creative brainstorming, business planning, coordinating schedules with musicians and producers, and plenty of excitement interspersed with occasional frustration.

He and I were talking on the phone about one aspect of the project that was not going as well as he had hoped. And that’s the point where I made the mistake. I said, “I’m only going to say this once, and then I won’t say any more about it. If you had done this a few months ago when I was encouraging you to do so, you wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.”

Wrong. Thing. To say.

Ben was already stressed about the situation. He didn’t need me to remind him of things that couldn’t be changed. And he told me that. Ben was not happy with me, and in retrospect I don’t blame him.

After we had both cooled down a bit Ben taught me a lesson that I needed to learn. He reminded me that when he finds himself in such a situation, he doesn’t need his dad to remind him of something that brings about even more stress. He doesn’t need me to impart my “adult wisdom.” He doesn’t need me to pile on.

What he needs is a good dose of encouragement.

Life is stressful enough without the people closest to you adding to the stress. Why not offer a word of encouragement instead of speaking a word that’s been heard before…and doesn’t need to be heard again? Why not lighten the load instead of adding to it? Why not paint a better picture of the future instead of dragging out the faded photos of the past?

Here’s a word of encouragement to encourage someone close to you today.

Who needs your encouragement right at this very moment?

Over the course of a lifetime there are many opportunities for parents to learn lessons from their children. Our son, Ben, is an Entertainment Industries Studies student at Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee. He has become pretty intent recently on having a real go at the music industry as a singer/songwriter and leader of a band called My Red and Blue. It’s a tough industry, and he knows it.

Knowing that, he spends most every day doing things that will hopefully help him defy the odds and actually make a living as a musician and entrepreneur. Here are some of the things he’s been doing:

• Helping other people. He doesn’t do it just so that favors get returned. He does it because he’s genuinely interested in people, and in helping them succeed.
• Setting goals. He has a clear vision in his mind of where he’d like to go, and where he’d like to one day be. With that before him he has road to take and a path to pursue. There’s no floundering. It’s a very real plan.
• Networking. This week I had the opportunity to attend a show that Ben and his band played along with a couple of other acts. Wisely, after the show, he stuck around to speak with people who had attended, and to find Nashville and industry connections that just might provide future opportunities.
• Working hard. When you’re doing something you love, working hard on it is actually fun…not “work.” So every chance he gets he co-writes songs with other songwriters, spends time on his own writing, or jots down notes that may one day turn into a full-blown idea.
• Relying on people who know. Ben’s a good listener. Whenever he can he picks the brain — and listens — to people who have been there, who know what they’re talking about, who have experience. Instead of making mistakes, it’s always wise to learn from someone else’s…and from their successes.

This all isn’t to say that Ben has done everything right. Some opportunities have slipped by. He could be better at getting things finished right now instead of “putting them off until tomorrow.” If he had done some things months ago, he’d be well on his way to things that will help him in the days and months ahead.

But Ben has taught me (or reminded me) to:

• Help other people.
• Set goals.
• Network.
• Work hard.
• Rely on people who know.

While they are no guarantee, doing these things today will lead to a much better chance for success tomorrow. That’s a lesson I’m gladly learning from my son.

What are you doing today to insure success tomorrow?

Weddings are both weird and wonderful. The weird part comes from a conglomeration of people who have never been together before — and never will be again — joining to celebrate the union of two people with whom they somehow have a relationship. There are two families and two sets of friends. It makes for a mishmash at the reception that leads to interesting discussions, long lost friends being found, and serendipitous meetings. I’ve even known couples who have met at weddings that eventually themselves get married.

The wonderful part happens at the most unexpected times. Our niece was married this past weekend. We love her and her new husband. They are fun, faithful, and a fantastic couple. They proved it, when at the rehearsal dinner, they both spoke eloquently, thanking their parents for bringing them to this point in time.

Their informal speeches were filled with quiet passion, emotion, and a strong dose of their Christian faith. In short, they were wonderful.

There we were in the party room of a dimly decorated place  near downtown St. Louis. The room was quieted, and the two began to speak. The speech our niece gave was formed around the phrase: “When I think of you, I think of…” She made a list for each of her parents, recalling many of the things they had each done to bring her to this point in time, and make her who she is. She recalled the ways they helped create her competitive spirit, her love of art, and instill in her the Christian faith.

It was masterful. The words she spoke were so much from the bottom of her heart, that they welled up in her and made her cry. They were tears of love. And tears of love are the sweetest of all tears.

Those tears were not at all weird. They were wonderful.

But the love didn’t end there. It kept flowing the next day as we all came together in the Lord’s house to see right before our eyes a picture of Christ and His bride, the church.

In a wonderful way, as vows were said, we were reminded that as a husband gives of himself for his wife, Christ gave His life for the church. Given the opportunity, a husband ought to do no less.We were reminded that as a wife loves and serves her husband, so the church loves and serves her husband, Jesus. Given the opportunity, a wife, and the church, ought to do no less.

The weird thing is that Christ did what nobody really expected. Though He was God, He became man and gave His life for His bride, the church.

The wonderful thing is that the church (though sinful and often self-centered) willingly and lovingly serves her husband, Jesus. Though she is frail and fails, the bride finds joy in serving and service.

Weird and wonderful. It’s strange to think that this will all culminate in the ultimate wedding feast at the marriage feast of the Lamb in the kingdom that will have no end.

I imagine it will be a wonderfully weird conglomeration of people on that day. There will be passion, emotion, and tears of joy that will be eternally wiped dry.

What do you find weird and wonderful about the picture we are given of Christ and His bride, the church?

Today we are headed to Chicago. Our children are coming from Orlando and Nashville. Their cousins are coming from St. Louis. My sister and her family are coming from Cleveland. My other sister and her husband are coming from the far western suburbs.

These days it takes something pretty special and important, planned far in advance, to get us all together. I guess you could say the event that brings us together this weekend is pretty special and important.

My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary on Saturday. More than fifty years ago two friends set them up on a blind date. Apparently they hit it off, and it led to something relatively rare in this day and age: a successful marriage.

There are many things I appreciate and love about my parents, but here are just a few:

• They raised us kids in the faith and gave us a Christian education. That faith has been passed on to every single one of their grandchildren, as well.
• They are always generous, welcoming, and hospitable.
• My dad is creative, artistic, and a great teacher. I have had many, many people over the years tell me that he was one of the best teachers they ever had.
• My mom is intelligent, well-read, and the nervous energy behind our entire family. She is the one who gives us all our drive, intensity, and passion.
• They are both great sports fans. Especially the Packers and Brewers…of course.
• They have taught us appreciation for culture…especially theatre.
• They have both instilled in us the importance of education.
• They love us unconditionally, and would do anything for us.
• They have encouraged us to pursue our passions (and even more so their grandchildren).
• They love to travel.

My dad is never seen without a book in his hand. 

One never has to wonder about my mom’s opinion.

There is a cartoon on their refrigerator that pretty much says it all. It’s a husband and wife sitting at the desk of a marriage counselor. The wife is saying: “It’s annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word.”

I guess that’s why it has worked for fifty years.

Love you, Mom and Dad.

Happy 50th Anniversary!

Amy Grant wrote a song called If These Walls Could Speak. The contemplative lyrics bring the walls of a home to life:

If these old walls
If these old walls could speak
Of things that they remembered well
Stories and faces dearly held
A couple in love
Livin’ week to week
Rooms full of laughter
If these walls could speak

If these old halls
If hallowed halls could talk
These would have a tale to tell
Of sun goin’ down and dinner bell
And children playing at hide and seek
From floor to rafter
If these halls could speak

Today my wife, Tammy, and I walked through our empty house one last time. Tomorrow the papers are signed and the home is no longer ours. The walls did, indeed speak.

• The living room walls spoke of hot summer nights filled with the laughter of our kids’ high school friends.
• The dining rooms walls spoke of Christmas dinners with closest friends and even closer family.
• The kitchen walls spoke of family meals where there was laughter, tears, serious discussions, silly arguments, and loving words.
• Ashlyn’s room spoke of a little girl reading in her bed, studying lines for a play, and writing notes to a friend.
• Ben’s room spoke of a little baseball player getting ready for a game, a boy learning the guitar and writing his first songs, and a six-foot K’nex tower being built with his mom.
• The basement walls spoke of videos being made, plays being performed, and games being played.
• Our room spoke of serious discussions, joy and pride over the accomplishments of our kids, and relief when the door downstairs closed just in time for a curfew to be met.

When the walls of our old house spoke, they spoke love. It’s a language we all understand. May the new owners experience the same, in many and various ways.

If the walls of your home could speak, what would they say?

Don’t judge me. I still had most of the files filled with my notes from college courses. Don’t worry. They’re gone now.

As I cleaned out my office I got rid of books that I would probably never open again. Boxes and boxes filled with files went to the recycling bin. There was probably stuff in there I could possibly use again someday. But the possibility was very slim, so away it went.

When the time comes to move 1000 miles away the choice to “keep” or “pitch” becomes much easier. I went through class notes, memento files, old bulletins and church services, art work from my kids (Don’t worry kids, I kept it), newspaper clippings, things that I had at one time neatly organized but were never looked at aging, files of things I thought I’d one day do…but never did.

By the time all was said and done I nearly filled a recycling dumpster, and half-filled a garbage dumpster. It’s amazing what the motivation of avoiding lifting heavy boxes will do.

The day of dishing out fuel for our local recycling plant was a trip not just down memory lane, but memory avenue, memory boulevard, memory court, and memory highway. I went places in my mind that I hadn’t been in years. There I was sitting in Professor Berg’s Communications class. Next I was standing at the altar for my installation as pastor of Mt. Calvary Lutheran Church. Pretty soon I was sitting in the youth room with the high school kids in Virginia. After that I watched my children grow from toddlers to teens.

Before I knew it, half my life was in the dumpster. Thankfully, only figuratively.

Some of my life has certainly been only dumpster worthy. But thanks to a wonderful upbringing, an incredible wife and family, faithful friends, and members of churches I have had the privilege to serve, in the end it was really only paper and cardboard in the dumpster.

What really matters isn’t the paper upon which things are recorded. What really matters is the love of people who care and help create memories. The notes might be in the dumpster, but the memories live on. And they’re great memories. They’re memories I wouldn’t trade for the world. They’re memories that have helped make me who I am. For that I am grateful.

My life may figuratively be in a dumpster, but it is literally a treasure. It is an undeserved gift. And so are all the people whose presence in my life remind me of that. They are far too many to count.

I guess the next time I need to know how to graph the way a message is communicated, I’ll have to Google it.

What is it that makes you thankful for your deepest and most precious memories?